Waiting for a Call from the Governor

As many of you know, I’ve taken off the last academic year to write full-time. It was an unpaid leave. The plan was to see if the writing life was for me, and if I could make a living off of it. It is, and I can’t. At least not yet. The Catalain Book of Secrets Kickstarter campaign (October 2014) was a success, and that book of my heart has garnered wonderful reviews, but its sales have since petered out. I wrote a thriller, Salem’s Cipher, which is currently out on submission, and my agent is giving the final once-over to a nonfiction book proposal, Better than Gin: Using Fiction Therapy to Heal Your Heart and Mind, before sending that out on submission.

It’s been a productive year, and I’ve never been happier. But, my leave is winding down. I have until August 1 to decide if I’m going back to my college teaching job (thinking of walking back in the building shrinks my ovaries; it’s not a good place for anyone to be, which is why there’s been a steady exodus of faculty and staff out of there), or quitting it for good to pursue writing full-time.

Since I go back and forth on this every day, I’m asking for your vote on my life. Makes total sense, yes? Here’s the options and their supporting facts:

Return to Teaching Full-time

Pros	Cons
I could still write part-time on the side; I’ve juggled that for 14 years	Because it's a toxic place, I’m a shit human being when I am working there; whatever stress I don’t absorb into my liver rolls downhill to my kids and boyfriend
Steady, good paycheck with flexible hours. A note on this one: I am the sole provider for me and my two kids, always have been, and this is a responsibility I take very seriously.	Most of my brainpower and time is devoted to the job, so far less writing, and far less depth to my writing
If I go back to teaching for this year, I could ask for another unpaid leave of absence next year, for up to three years, without forfeiting my job, so I would only have to push the writing dream down the road for another year	I lose the momentum of this year off It’s not where I’m supposed to be. Short of getting woo-woo on you, all I can say for sure is that I feel like I drank garbage juice when I think about going back there.

Pursue Writing Full-time

Pros	Cons
It is where I’m supposed to be. I feel like I have far more to offer the world when I’m writing and teaching writing workshops.	Are you serious? I have been receiving a paycheck every day since I was 15. I am a Stearns County great-granddaughter of German immigrants. We do NOT give up real jobs to pursue artistic endeavors. We laugh at people who trade the cow for magic beans, and then we kick them and steal their beans, but we don’t even plant them, we EAT them, because that’s what you do with beans.
My writing will continue to improve and deepen. It is the courageous, bold choice, and when I think about making it, I feel happy.	So many.
Because my income has dropped low this year, my late husband’s Social Security has kicked in and will provide enough money to scrape by for up to four years, or until my income goes back up (which is the plan).	Lots.
I am disciplined and motivated. The first few months as a full-time writer were bloated and weird, but now I’m in a routine that feels good. I have a hardcore but realistic plan for writing three novels and a screenplay this year, plus increase my workshop teaching schedule.	Bunches of piles.

My worldview is being profoundly challenged these days. Do I believe what I say about the value of taking risks and pursuing dreams? Or, does it count if I sort of take a risk, teach another year, and keep my foot half on land? My heart says pursue the writing. My brain thinks I'm making a fart joke (you're going to quit a steady paycheck to what again???) and can’t stop laughing long enough to answer.

Sigh. You can see why I need your help. Questions and comments welcome below.

p.s. If the governor calls, ie if I get an offer on the thriller, that's a clear sign from the Universe, right Bill Nye? I am LEAPING.

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